Often the consultants who come to see me have a fear that comes up regularly. fear of being judged by others. What will others think of me? What will my loved ones say if I do this? These are thoughts that obsess them to the point of paralyzing them.
First let me let you in on a secret. People don’t give a fuck about you most of the time. Most people are selfish and only think of themselves. if they happen to think of others it is in relation to themselves. What can the other bring to me?
So most of the time when you’re concerned about what other people think of you, know that they’re not even thinking about you.
references different from yours
When you care about what other people think of you, you assume they think like you. Each person has their own set of rules and personal values that govern their life. These rules were established based on their experience and upbringing and they are unique for each person.
Since you don’t have the same rules, the same values, the same way of thinking, you can’t appreciate the same things in the same way.
For example, your rule for expressing and receiving love is by saying it out loud. In order for you to feel loved, your partner must say “I love you” to you very often. But your partner has a different rule for expressing love which is by receiving and giving gifts. So you do not feel loved because the other does not tell you I love you when he showers you with gifts. And the other does not feel loved in return because you do not give him a gift when you tell him I love you all the time. You are in love with each other, but your perception is different from reality.
Everyone’s perception of the world is unique. You torture your mind with questions like: what did I do to her that she doesn’t like me? While this person may not like you for a reason that has nothing to do with you, for example you have the same haircut as her mother-in-law whom she hates.
Events are neutral.
You must understand that events are neutral. They are neither positive nor negative. It is our interpretation that makes it something emotionally charged.
If someone calls you the biggest idiot on earth, you can choose your response. You can choose to say to yourself, “Oh my god! He’s known me for 10 minutes and he’s already found out who I really am. I really am the biggest idiot on earth. I’m worthless…”
Or you can choose to say to yourself: “This person barely knows me and they dare to judge me. I know very well that is not true.” This choice obviously depends on the perception you have of yourself and the world around you. But it remains a choice.
Focus on what you have control over.
You have no control over what people think or what they do. Accept it and stop focusing on it. You have control only over your actions, your thoughts, your reactions to external events. Concentrate on it, you will already have a lot to do.
Whenever you wonder what others think of you, think about Plato’s 3 questions. Is it true? Is it useful? Is it good for me? If you answer these three questions honestly, you will understand that the only person whose opinion matters is you and that there is no point in racking your brains about things you have no control over.
If you can’t control your thoughts on your own, I can help you. Contact me to see how I can help you.