what is happiness

From my work with depressed people, I often ask the question in one form or another: What is happiness?

For some happiness is a loving family, for others it is a full bank account. For others it is respect. For a billionaire it may be sports cars while for a child in Madagascar it may be a pen.

mathematical formula of happiness

Everyone has a different definition of happiness. From all these answers that I had we can draw an almost mathematical formula of happiness.

happiness = living conditions > = our perception of what should be happiness

Happiness is when living conditions equal or exceed our perception of what should be happiness.

Let me explain to you in more detail. Think of a time when you were happy in some area of ​​your life (relationship, work, personal, spiritual…). Remind yourself of why you were happy. At that time you were happy only because that area of ​​your life matched or exceeded your perception of what happiness should be.

the rules of happiness

We all have these rules that exist only in our head, transmitted by our parents and / or by our experience of what happiness should be. and these rules are unique for everyone. For one, happiness is the house, the car, the children and the dog. For another, it’s going on an adventure aboard a volkswagen car.

do not impose your rules on others

The first thing to realize is that it is useless to try to impose your vision of happiness on others. These rules are highly personal. There are no rules of happiness that are worth more than others. If someone has different rules than the majority of people, their rules are just as valid.

Accept that other people have different rules than you. If you don’t, you will feel unnecessary frustration.

How to be happier?

From this mathematical formula, I will show you how to be happier.

What are your rules?

The first thing to do to be happy is to define your own rules of happiness.

Some people come to me saying they are depressed when in reality they are just bored in their lives. They feel deep down that life should be something other than what they are currently living but have no idea what that life should be.

So if you want to be happy, you have to define what makes you happy. Think back to all the times when you were happy. What made you happy then?

I advise you to choose simple, general, flexible rules that can be respected in different ways. If your rule of happiness is a 127 square meter U-shaped house, blue in color, located 532 meters from the city center, it will be much more difficult to be happy than if your rule is a house that can accommodate your whole family comfortably.

Choose rules that put you back in control. If your rules depend on others to make you happy then you are likely to have a lot of frustration. rather than choosing a rule that says your kids have to kiss you 5 times a day for you to be happy, choose a rule that says you’ll be happy if YOU kiss your kids at least once a day.

change the parameters in the formula

So I remind you that being happy is when living conditions are equal to or greater than your happiness rules. If you are not happy it means that your living conditions are not up to your rules OR that your rules are too strict.

To be happier, you have 2 possibilities to change something. Either you change your living conditions so that they correspond to your rules of happiness. Either you change your rules of happiness to match your living conditions.

If your definition of happiness is to live in a princess castle and you live in a maid’s room under the roof, you are not happy. To change that, you can find strategies for living in a castle (earning more money, marrying someone very rich, becoming an employee at Disneyland…). Or you redefine your happiness rules and accept that you can be happy in your apartment. Or a mix of both by increasing your living conditions and reducing your rules to reach a compromise. You make sure to improve your living conditions and you redefine your rules to accept being happy in a house.

Ultimately, being happy is a choice. Once the choice is made, the hard part is to get rid of your old, outdated rules and make the new ones the norm. For that I can help you. If you need help contact me.